I heard the ED of Shell on NPR this morning talking about how Shell is going to start supporting cleaner fuels. The NPR host made the mistake of asking if Shell might become a petroleum free company anytime soon. His answer was not surprising: “I don’t see Shell becoming a non-petroleum company for a long time”. That’s because, as much as they say they want to help, they don’t. That and they’re unwilling or incapable of thinking outside of the barrel.
Why not accept the fact that in a few years the earth will either be submerged in melted ice caps and fire or will be using cars that are primarily electric? Start the marketing now! Think of how far ahead of the competition you’ll be. Here’s a couple freebies.
“Charge your car here and get a free coffee and donut!”
With all the money you’re saving on expensive offshore drilling and hiring lawyers to sicc against the environmentalists, throw in some freebies that consumers will never get at the locations with gas for $5/gallon.
“Pet the seals you’re saving!”
Instead of worrying about which environmental disaster you’ll cause next, have a petting zoo where consumers can pet the animals that aren’t’ being killed by oil tankers.
“Celebrate Iraq pullout day!”
Enjoy yourselves on the anniversary of the U.S. getting their dirty, oil-covered hands out of the middle east. Take a sip of clean, cold water and pat yourself on the back for stopping your destruction of the world as we know it.
Either that or I’ll see you on the day that electric cars collectively destroy your gas stations in an adult version of bumper cars. I’ll buy you some cotton candy, because you will be poor and bitter.
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Tags: gaspetroleum Shell NPR “National Public Radio” marketing “global warming